Q&A with the bipolar architect

I figure today is as good of a day as any to answer or respond to some of my email requests. I must apologize because anything that is done through my contact page seems to go to my junk folder so I may not see any contact request for days….weeks even. I don’t mean to ignore you, I promise. Moving forward I will try to stay on top of your questions for me.

I’ll start with the first three most recent questions and the most recent request:

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Name: Robin

Email: XXXXXXXX@yahoo.com

Website:

Comment: Hey, I really enjoy your blog and I can tell you speak straight from the heart. I dated and still care about a guy with the same condition as you but he was so unreliable that I just don’t know if I walked away at the time when he needed me most or if he just doesn’t love me. You seem to care a great deal about the person you speak of so do you have any advice from the perspective of someone who has a mental disorder for someone who loves someone that suffers. Take care.

Time: July 29, 2016 at 6:29 pm
IP Address: XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Contact Form URL: https://bipolararchitect.com/contact/
Sent by a verified visitor to your site.

Robin,

Although I am in no mindset to really answer your question …I’ll tell you what can. There are two sides to every story. For me, I have seen the damage that my disease has caused to the person I care about most and I can understand that even though those of us…hell, all of us need to have at least one person who loves and supports us unconditionally …need the stability and the feeling of being loved, it isn’t for everyone. I think loving someone either romantically or as anything else requires a lot of patience, self-discovery, and self-awareness of your own personal strength. What I will say to your concern for leaving when he may have needed you most…don’t beat yourself up. That may or may not be the case but you really can’t go blaming yourself for something like that. I know it has to be hard but take it for what it’s worth really. You’ll only experience personal demise if you let yourself feel that guilt. This might come across as harsh and I don’t mean for it to be but everyone isn’t cut out for sticking around through hard times whether it be mental illness, generalized illness, infidelity, and so forth. Some people work well under pressure, some do not. I’m not too certain on why that is …I’m sure we can find some Freudian research related to this. Sometimes it may be the very first time you’ve experienced something so hard that required such patience and growth and you’ve not ever had to test yourself. The thing is, we don’t know until we try. That goes for the person loving someone with mental illness or being a suffer of mental illness. I will say that if you feel like you want to see the person through this and want the return of what may come when the disease is managed then stick around, but be good to yourself in the process. Make compromises and communicate whenever possible. Once communication ceases or becomes something you feel as though you should do, instead of need to then that’s the beginning to any end. What I can say with 100% certainty is if the person isn’t working on helping themselves, then you cannot help them. If the person is willing to work on themselves then that should give you some hope.  The main thing is that you should realize that it doesn’t make you a bad person to leave if it is for the right reasons and for yourself (not because others feed your opinion)…to learn your own personal strength and to be honest with yourself by knowing what you can and can’t handle is a part of maturity. I hope that helps in some form but like I said, I’m not the best person for relationship advice at this point.

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Name: Jessika Camorata

Email: XXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

Website:

Comment: Hey there, I just want to let you know that your words really speak to me. There are not many guys who will pour their soul out into words for others to take in. I can tell that you’re a private but yet open just enough for others to take interest and learn from your experiences. I know that I don’t know you but the way you speak about J, she must really miss you. Do you still hope that the two of you will reunite? I hope that you do!

Time: August 7, 2016 at 3:49 pm
IP Address: XXXXXXXXXX
Contact Form URL: https://bipolararchitect.com/contact/
Sent by a verified visitor to your site.

Jessika,

Thanks for stopping by and for your interpretation of my words …yes I am a private dude but this blog is solely for the purpose another outlet for me as a form of therapy. Especially since I have been a recluse lately. I’ve learned that over the past few years as I fell in love for the first time at 31ish years old that words come out of me fairly easy when it comes to talking about J. As far as missing me …well, that would be better answered by her but the answer is likely no. I had hoped that my cancer diagnosis would have brought us closer together but it only pushed the two of us further apart. To your latter question…I suppose I’ll always have hope until I don’t…once you lose hope, what else is left? However, I no longer long for it…if that makes sense. She’s finally happy after not being happy for a long time and I just can’t interfere with that…and I don’t want to. I had a lot of fight left in me and I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel.

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Name: Tyler
Email: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

Website:
Comment: The post on the interpretation of your sketch was flipping hilarious man. I am art major and I’m hoping to switch up to architecture by Spring semester. Do you plan on posting more sketches?

Time: August 21, 2016 at 8:29 am
IP Address: XXXXXXXXXX
Contact Form URL: https://bipolararchitect.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

Tyler,

I’m glad you find me weird …to have enjoyed the interpretation of my sketch one would have to consider me to be a weird human being, but I’m ok with that. What I find even weirder is the research that exists to interpret said sketch. I don’t really sketch as much as I used to when I was working. It’s mostly due to a tremor that I sometimes have that I think must be related to medication as well as the inability to focus sometimes. With that said, I just started to re-read one of my favorite novels about the Brooklyn Bridge (my favorite bridge), “The Great Bridge” and I gave a sketch a whirl yesterday. Here it is:

 

Good luck with school and if design and art is your passion then definitely go for it. It can be a very competitive but rewarding career.

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Name: Emily

Email: XXXXXXXXX@yahoo.com

Website:

Comment: I loved your first post about music. I actually love your blog. You should post more often. Do you have any current music suggestions? I’m always looking for good music.

Time: August 21, 2016 at 5:29 pm
IP Address: XXXXXXXXX
Contact Form URL: https://bipolararchitect.com/contact/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

Emily,

I am glad you enjoyed my current vinyl rotation. My music rotation really is dependent upon my mood. I mostly stream music and I have playlists for pretty much any mood that I’ve currently been experiencing over the last year or so..however, vinyl or live is my favorite way to enjoy music. Music and any art form really is my outlet and years ago, before my budder died we used to drive for hours at a time just listening to music. I’m currently at this moment listening to the Andrew Belle album, Black Bear. I like the album it its entirety but I do tend to catch myself listening to the song “Pieces” on repeat. Not so much for the words but for the melody. There are certain songs I listen to for lyrics only and hate the melodies, some I listen to solely for the melody and not the lyrics, and then there are some (most) that I listen to for both. My dream is to someday attend a symphony…a real one. It will be a holy shirts and pants kind of day for me (that just means I’ll be excited). Any excuse for a bow tie is worth excitement. I’ll post two versions for you here (one with lyrics and the official video ) as well as a link to most of the album for listening pleasure:

Pieces – Lyrics

Pieces – Official version

Andrew Belle – Black Bear 10 song mix

Enjoy.

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